love your body

I am not loving mine right now. Call me vain. Maybe I am. I don't have a perfect body. I have wide hips and huge thighs. I am pear shaped have accepted and love that fact. There's nothing really much I can do about it, right?

But since last year... sometime August having recovered from my hepa A sickness, I purposely did not go on a diet and didn't do much of excerise for the following reasons:

1. I was afraid that I might have a relapse again, one of which is losing too much weight

2. Because I didn't want to get sick again, I decided not to starve myself too death.

3. I stopped running because I started to ride my bike.

4. I realized that start of this year, I've been sitting on my ass -- working in front of my computer or stuck in long long meetings where I do nothing but sit on my ass and talk/listen.

I know my tummy is getting bigger... which I am start to working on. But this realization even stressed me further when I had to suddenly look for a dress for a wedding that I will attend this Saturday. It's only two days away and I have nothing to wear and it's very late to have one made.

I first tried the purple dress I wore during krisan's wedding. I decided maybe I could wear that because I haven't worn it except during my bestfriend's wedding. Boy did I try it on.... oh my golly wow!!! my tummy was bulging out. The dress looks fine. I was able to zip it up. The problem was on the tummy area.... it was the same level as my breasts.... geez. I hate it. I hate it. I hate.

Next was this gold/copper two piece dress that I have. I've worn it a couple of times. Not to glad though. It still fits me, very tight around the tummy, but I'm not happy.

I am fat. I hate it. I have to work out double time. I hate myself more because it's so hard to find time. I really have to work it out with my stomach. We've got a lot of working out to do.

Plus, I really have to say goodbye to chocolate bars for now. Time to give you up. I'll be back in shape.

I don't have any plans of becoming too skinny because I know I will never be one. I just can't accept the fact that my tummy is way, way too big.

But I shall not fret. I shall have faith in myself that I can do it and I will lose the weight. I'm giving myself two months. I'll get there.